A Day in the Life of an Estate Agent

Regular day, regular viewing.

I met another agent outside a lovely end-townhouse on a fine community on the edge of some rustic land.  I knew the agent very well having conducted 100’s of viewings together over many years.

We entered the property and I started opening shutters to the terrace and gardens etc. whilst the other agent went upstairs and started doing the same.  The house was quickly opened up so the clients could see it at it’s best.  Or at least that was the plan.

The other agent had been upstairs for less then 20 seconds when the clients and I heard this almighty high pitched scream.  We looked at each other in alarm.  I ran to the stairs but coming down at an unhealthy rate of knots and still screaming was the other agent.  He barged past me and ran outside so I followed him.

He had gone a deathly pale and was shaking like a leaf.  It took him an age to calm down and eventually he managed to explain there was a snake in the master bedroom.  I asked him to show me where but he wouldn’t go back in.

I looked at the clients who just shock their heads, almost in disappointment and, fair play to them, went back inside to complete the viewing.  I’ll be honest, I wasn’t keen but I felt obliged to go upstairs to investigate.  I went into the master bedroom and sure enough, curled up on the floor in front of the French windows was a large, black and yellow snake.  I was about to go back downstairs when I met the clients at the top of the stairs.  They were finding their own way around and continuing with the viewing.  They wanted to see the rest of the house so I showed them the remaining bedrooms and the roof terrace (great view by the way).  They still wanted to see the master bedroom so they looked around in the usual manner and made no comment about the snake, apparently enjoying a siesta in the sun.

We made our way back downstairs and out the front door.  They thanked me very much for my time.  The other agent couldn’t believe that we had gone back in.  He was still pale, shaking and couldn’t leave the community quick enough.

I was tempted to lock up and leave the property but that wouldn’t be fair.  I Whatsapped our team with ideas on how to deal with the snake.

My brother quite usefully suggested I got a ladder.

Natasha suggested I grab it’s tail and throw it out.

Get a flute and send it to sleep.  My brother again.

I pointed out that I was neither Steve Urwin nor Mowgli (there might have been some colourful language there too).  Apparently the whole team were having a fit of the giggles while this trauma occurred! Thanks team.

So, I opened the french windows wide and got a brush.  It wasn’t rocket science but please Mr Snake go thattaway.  The snake went this way and that but not over the required door frame and out.  Stretched out I could see how long it was.  Bigger than I first thought.  For some reason the  “Jaws” theme music started playing in my head and suddenly I was quite hot.  Finally, I held the brush still and the snake obligingly wrapped itself around it.  I carried the brush outside and thankfully the snake dropped off it.  It disappeared, surprisingly quickly, down a drain.

I locked up and left.  We sold the house a couple of weeks later and our friend was never seen again.

I have conducted 1000’s of viewings over the years, all different.  You never know what you are going to get.


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